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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse left her, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her social circle drifted away at that point, as they were focused solely on him. This surprised her. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have grasped more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, several in her circle vanished without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, even though she was highly competent, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

In recent times, we have each stepped back from work leading to more time together, yet I realize my position between us is as the audience. I open subjects and she changes the talk toward what interests her. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. I attempt to propose double-checking information and different perspectives.

She is planning a trip to a country I've visited on several occasions and resided in previously. I tried to offer insights, however, my input not welcomed. She really only wanted my agreement with her choices. I recently returned from four weeks in that country she is eager to catch up, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she'll truly understand the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, yet this is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for a solution demands strength and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to express how this makes you feel. There should be no dispute about this. What you feel belong to you, after all. Step three is to question ways you together can shift the pattern in your relationship."

Remember that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for half an hour."

This can be impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss everything, since certain individuals cling to a deep-seated story: they maintain a narrative of their life they're unable to let go of because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no thoroughfare in such cases, just dead ends. But she may initially present this way before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a resolution, you'll have closure that you've been truthful.